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Psychologists note that the nervous system often senses inconsistency before the rational mind does i.e. you might feel uneasy after conversations that sound loving on the surface
‘Future faking’ refers to the act of making promises about a shared future that are not backed by genuine intent (Image: Getty)
There is a particular kind of thrill that comes during the early days of a new relationship, when every conversation seems to hint at a future that has already begun. A partner who speaks of “our home,” “our plans,” “our life” can make you feel chosen, wanted, and finally safe in a world that often feels uncertain. But what if the future being described is modern dating’s newest red flag?
How do you know whether someone genuinely means what they say, or whether they are simply using the future as a lure? Future faking is when someone promises a future they have no intention of creating. It can happen in any relationship a friend, a boss, or a romantic partner and it is often disguised as sincere commitment.
For Ayesha Sharma, a 29 year old digital marketing manager in Bengaluru, the problem was not the romantic language. It was the lack of follow-through. After that conversation, her partner whom she met on a dating app became increasingly inconsistent. He would speak in detail about the future and then vanish when asked about practical steps. When she tried to plan a weekend visit, he would delay. When she asked to meet his friends, he would say it was “too soon.” The more she pressed, the more he reassured her with another promise.
What Is Future Faking?
‘Future faking’ refers to the act of making promises about a shared future that are not backed by genuine intent. In some cases, this behaviour is not driven by malice. A person may feel swept up in the excitement of a new relationship, moving emotionally faster than they can realistically sustain. The promises come easily, but the capacity to follow through does not.
It can also be used as a tool to create emotional dependence, offering reassurance, affection and imagined stability in order to keep someone invested. This is often seen in patterns of love bombing, where intense attention and grand promises are deployed early on, only to be withdrawn once control or emotional security has been established.
At its most harmful, future faking functions as a manipulation strategy. Individuals with narcissistic or toxic tendencies may use the promise of “later” to extract something they want in the present time, loyalty, emotional labour, or forgiveness while postponing real commitment. The future becomes a bargaining chip, used to avoid accountability, delay decisions, or escape conflict, even as the promised outcome remains perpetually out of reach.
Psychologists note that the nervous system often senses inconsistency before the rational mind does i.e. you might feel uneasy after conversations that sound loving on the surface. Paying attention to how someone behaves in the present, not just what they say about tomorrow, is the clearest signal.
What is The The Emotional Toll of ‘Future Faking’?
Future faking leaves a particular kind of emotional bruise. Broken promises aren’t just inconvenient — they undermine trust and self-confidence. People can end up questioning their own judgement, wondering if they misread signals or wanted the relationship to be real so badly that they ignored red flags. Over time this pattern can lead to anxiety, self-doubt and even depression, because the cycle of hope and disappointment wears down emotional resilience.
Future faking can have a deep and lasting impact on mental health, particularly when it unfolds over an extended period. The repeated cycle of raised expectations followed by disappointment slowly erodes emotional stability. Over time, the gap between what is promised and what actually happens can leave a person mentally exhausted and emotionally unsettled.
- Some of the most common mental health effects linked to future faking include:
- Heightened anxiety and ongoing stress, driven by unpredictability and emotional inconsistency
- Declining self-esteem, as repeated broken promises lead to self-blame and second-guessing
- Depression or emotional numbness, caused by prolonged disappointment and unmet expectations
“People always say, ‘Maybe he just got scared,’” says Maya Kapoor, 34, a schoolteacher in Mumbai. “But the pattern was unmistakable.” Maya met her partner at a mutual friend’s party. Within weeks, he was talking about marriage, even describing the kind of wedding they would have. “It felt like he was building a world for us,” she says. “And I wanted it. I wanted it so badly that I didn’t question it.”
The first time he broke a promise, she gave him the benefit of the doubt. The second time, she tried to be patient. By the fourth time, she began to notice the pattern: every time she asked for clarity, he responded with another promise.
“His future talk was like a drug,” Maya says. “It made me feel secure in the moment. But it never translated into reality.”
Future faking is effective because it works with the brain’s reward system. The promise creates a burst of hope.
How to Spot the Red Flags?
Talking about the future is not, by itself, a cause for concern. In fact, it is often a healthy sign of emotional investment. Problems arise only when future talk becomes excessive, overwhelming, or disconnected from reality. Future faking tends to reveal itself through patterns rather than single moments. Some key signs to watch for include:
- Repeated disappointment after being led to expect something meaningful
- Promises about the future that are not followed by practical action
- Resistance or avoidance when you take steps to turn plans into reality
- Future visions that feel disproportionate to the depth or length of the relationship
- Reassuring promises that appear mainly when you express doubt or concern
There are also subtler warning signals that often accompany future faking:
- Timelines that remain vague and never become specific
- Rapid escalation of promises without corresponding relationship growth
- Future plans that conveniently address your personal fears or insecurities
- A lack of concrete planning or follow-through toward stated goals
- Dismissive or evasive responses when you ask for clarity or next steps
January 22, 2026, 19:17 IST
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