Sibling bonds are often described as unbreakable, built on shared childhoods, inside jokes, and familial roots. But not all sibling relationships are safe or supportive. In many families, beneath the surface of shared blood and tradition, lies a dynamic that’s harmful, competitive, or emotionally draining.
When sibling relationships become toxic, the emotional fallout can be long-lasting and deeply confusing, especially because society rarely validates the pain caused by a sibling. Mental health struggles in these dynamics often go unnoticed, brushed off as “normal sibling fights” or minimized as family quirks.
Toxic sibling dynamics don’t always involve outright abuse. Sometimes, they show up as constant comparisons, gaslighting, manipulation, silent treatment, or undermining disguised as “just teasing.” Over time, such patterns can erode one’s sense of self, trust in relationships, and even their connection to their own family.
Dr Chandni Tugnait, MD (A.M) Psychotherapist, Life Alchemist, Coach & Healer, Founder & Director, Gateway of Healing shares how these relationships can affect mental health-
1. Identity confusion: Growing up with a controlling or overshadowing sibling often blurs a person’s sense of identity. The sibling may have dominated attention or enforced a certain role, like the ‘responsible one’ or the ‘failure’, making it hard to separate self-worth from family roles. This confusion often spills into adulthood, where individuals struggle to understand who they are outside of those dynamics.
2. Low self-esteem and constant comparison: If a sibling was always praised more, or made others feel inadequate through backhanded compliments, this can lead to chronic self-doubt. Many carry the belief that they’re “never enough,” even in unrelated environments. Internalised comparison becomes a silent voice echoing throughout their adult lives, especially in careers, relationships, and self-expression.
3. Guilt and emotional obligation: Unlike toxic friendships, sibling ties are harder to cut off because they’re tied to family expectations. Individuals may tolerate disrespect to avoid being seen as ‘ungrateful’ or ‘dramatic.’ This emotional obligation can result in years of self-abandonment, bottling up resentment to keep the peace.
4. Anxiety in close relationships: Having a sibling who mocks, manipulates, or invalidates can lead to a distorted template for closeness. As adults, people may either fear intimacy or overextend themselves to avoid conflict. There may also be a tendency to second-guess one’s reactions or feel responsible for others’ emotions, rooted in early sibling interactions.
5. Suppressed anger and internal conflict: Many individuals suppress anger toward a sibling to maintain the family image. But unexpressed frustration doesn’t disappear; it often manifests as passive aggression, self-blame, or even physical symptoms like fatigue and headaches. The dissonance between ‘I love them’ and ‘They hurt me’ creates inner turmoil that weighs heavily on mental well-being.
You can love someone and still keep your distance. You can honour your past and still choose your peace. Ultimately, your well-being doesn’t need to be sacrificed at the altar of family loyalty. It’s okay to choose healing, even if it makes others uncomfortable.