Dear Haya,
I’m an introvert and really struggle to socialise. It was never a concern in my single life, but after my engagement, this has made my life slightly challenging, as I’m expected by my in-laws to always be available for dawats, weddings and social gatherings within their family and friends’ circles.
My own family is also not very outgoing and we’ve always enjoyed each other’s company at home. This doesn’t mean that we’ve never gone out or attended get-togethers, but it has always been moderate. With my in-laws, however, socialising and going out is very frequent.
I’m just concerned that I’ll struggle a lot adjusting after marriage. Would you have any advice on whether I should discuss this with my parents since this is an arranged setup or manage this on my own, which would mean that I’d have to try my best to adjust to their ways. Please guide.
— A socially-anxious bride-to-be
Dear socially-anxious bride-to-be,
Firstly, congratulations! Secondly, I am glad to see you being so -aware about yourself. Self-awareness is a great gift — as long as we learn how to use it to support us, not turn it against ourselves.
I hear several layers in your note: the temperament of being introverted, the transition of joining a new family, and the pressure of cultural expectations. Approaching these layers thoughtfully can keep you from feeling split between “honouring myself” and “honouring my in-laws”.
Let me start by gently reminding you: Introversion is not a flaw. It’s a biological preference for lower levels of external stimulation. It’s an energy management style, not a social skill deficit. When viewed neutrally, it becomes easier to navigate. You’re not bad at socialising—you simply refuel differently. The goal is to honour that rhythm while also honouring your relationships.
At the same time, I see your struggle to be married soon into a family where the frequency of socialising is much more than what you are used to and is bringing about feelings of overwhelm, worry and discomfort for you.
You’ve spent your entire life with your own family, so there’s a built-in comfort zone: over the years you’ve become attuned to one another’s temperaments and developed an effortless, mutual understanding, all of which takes time.
Getting married is a big change on its own; nonetheless, you are leaving your comfort zone, so yes that will bring about discomfort. Although you can’t bypass this change, you can prepare yourself better to ease the transition.
Let’s take a look at how you can leverage your self-awareness to support yourself.
Acknowledge and accept your temperament
As mentioned, your introversion isn’t about lacking social skills — it’s about how you manage and preserve your energy. Rather than viewing it as a struggle to socialise, try reframing it as understanding your energy boundaries. You function best around others when you’ve had the space to recharge, and it’s completely okay to recognise that there’s a limit to how much you can take on socially.
Start with your fiancé, not your in-laws
Your future spouse is your closest ally in this transition. Focus on building open, honest communication with him. Let him in on how social situations affect you — what feels overwhelming, where your limits lie, and what helps you recharge. Share your concerns with him, not as complaints, but as an invitation for support and mutual understanding. This lays the foundation for navigating your new life together as a team.
Manage your expectations
Know that in the early stage of marriage, there will be a surplus of social obligations, far more than what you are used to right now — so it’s important to mentally prepare yourself for this temporary shift. Remember, this heightened frequency won’t last forever; it will ease as you settle into your new family dynamics. During this period, prioritise giving yourself the necessary space and time to recharge.
Frame the conversation around ‘energy’, not ‘avoidance’ with in-laws
As you begin to settle into your new family and gradually build relationships, you can gently start sharing what helps you function at your best. People are often more receptive when they hear what supports your well-being rather than what drains you. For instance, instead of saying, “I can’t handle big gatherings,” you might say, “I’m really looking forward to dinner — larger events feel easier for me when I’ve had a quiet evening beforehand”. When you frame your needs in terms of how you recharge, rather than what you’re avoiding, it invites understanding rather than resistance. It’s not about making excuses — it’s about offering self-awareness with grace and respect.
Eventually find a rhythm that suits you
Trying to attend every dawat or wedding may be unrealistic for you long term but avoiding them altogether could strain family ties. As you settle down you would need to find a rhythm that honours yourself and your family.
Involve your parents if it adds support, not anxiety
Since this is an arranged setup, involving your parents could be helpful — if the circumstances are right. If you anticipate potential misunderstandings, and your parents share a respectful, comfortable rapport with your in-laws, they can gently advocate for you or offer a bit of context that supports your adjustment.
However, it’s important to pause and ask yourself: Will their involvement bring clarity, or add tension? Sometimes, more voices can complicate the dynamic. But if your parents are likely to be received well and can offer a brief, thoughtful heads-up about your nature and needs, it might ease the transition. Choose what feels emotionally safe and supportive for you.
Build small exposure now
A great way to prepare yourself is through exposure. Introducing yourself to the kind of situations you’ll be navigating after marriage. Practice attending a few extra gatherings before the wedding so the new routine doesn’t hit you like a tidal wave. Treat each outing as data: What helped? What drained you? Adjust accordingly.
Protect your core rituals
Guard the habits that recharge you — morning quiet time, solo walks, journaling. When those are in place, you’ll enter social spaces with a fuller emotional tank.
Remember: Relationships thrive on authenticity and compassionate boundaries. Families value sincerity far more than perfect attendance; marriage is a partnership, not a performance. By communicating your needs early, setting thoughtful limits, and meeting your family halfway, you’re modelling mutual respect and creating deeper, warmer connections in the long run — far more meaningful than attending every event but feeling resentful or depleted.
Wishing you the best — and if at any point it still feels overwhelming, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist who can walk alongside you with support tailored to your unique journey.
— Haya
Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.
Send her your questions to [email protected]
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