Toxic parenting habits can have a long-lasting impact on a child’s emotional and psychological development. Although from time to time, everyone makes a mistake, even parents. However, if you are a parent and the following are some of your habits, continuing to do these things, according to the experts, can actually affect and hurt your child’s development.
Not Understanding Your Child Has Their Own Path
Every parent has a dream for their child’s future. However, if your dream supersedes that of your child’s dream for their own life, then this desire to help your child achieve success can take an ugly turn towards toxicity.
“The biggest toxic trait that I see loving parents do by mistake is not understanding that their child has their own path and purpose in life,” Dawn Friedman, MSEd, LPCC, a licensed professional clinical counselor, specializing in child anxiety, told Parents in a recent interview.
Remember, you are their to act as the wise sage on this journey that we all call life. Take a step back and let them make their own decisions. But more importantly, also take a step back and let them make their own mistakes. They will never learn how to navigate life if they do not.
Making Children Choose Sides Between Parents
Another toxic behavior that many parents are prone to making is having children choose sides between parents.
“It is most common in divorced parents; however, it can also happen in households where there is a lot of conflict between the parents,” Danielle Dellaquila, LMSW, therapist at Gateway to Solutions explained to Parents. “Parents need to avoid involving their children in their parental conflicts or problems, as involving them can lead to a lot of unnecessary anxiety and guilt for the children.”
Whether it is a separating situation of some sort of just an argument between mom and dad. The children should never be forced to “pick a side”. The healthy option for them is to remain just like Switzerland – neutral. In the end, beyond anxiety and guilt, children could develop a sense of resentment in the end towards one or both parents.
Being Overly Controlling
Being a “helicopter parent” or practicing a “strict parenting-style,” can be seen as toxic behavior.
“[These types of parents] may want to know every detail of what is going on, try to dictate what their child will do with their future, or overly monitor their child,” Dellaquila described this type of parent in her interview. “It usually stems from the parent’s own anxiety or insecurity and can have the opposite effect and lead to the child distancing or hiding things from the parents.”
Remember, you as a parent, don’t like to feel if every second of your life is being controlled by someone else, so why would you do it to your child?
Not Managing Your Own Emotions
Children immolate the behaviors that they see. If you cannot regulate your own emotions as a grown-up, what are you teaching your child?
“A parent’s emotional immaturity, need for control, or inability to regulate their own emotions consistently harms their child’s sense of safety and self-worth,” explained Cynthia Edwards-Hawver, PsyD, a licensed psychologist to Parents. “Kids need emotional consistency to feel safe and develop healthy coping skills.”
Commenting on Their Body or Eating Habits
Per parenting expert, Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, therapist and founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy, commenting on your child’s body type or weight is never a good idea—even if you are saying something complimentary. This habit can be seen as toxic. It puts too much focus on their body image and could make them feel pressured to look a certain way.
“As an eating disorder therapist, one thing I know can be an issue is constantly commenting on a child’s body or the way they eat, even if it’s meant to be positive,” Goldberg shared. “Side eyeing your partner when your child reaches for seconds at the dinner table can send the message that their body is tied to their worth.”
Goldberg recommends that parents can engage in saying things such as: “Oh, you look really good in that outfit today” or “That doesn’t really suit your body.”
Lack of Boundaries
Everyone needs healthy boundaries. Oversharing with your children, even if you mean no harm, can be a harmful toxic behavior.
“Examples of a lack of boundaries are oversharing about personal life and struggles at inappropriate times, being overly involved in your child’s life, and invading or not allowing for privacy,” says Tirrell De Gannes, PsyD, licensed clinical psychologist at Thriving Center of Psychology.
Have clear and outlined boundaries so that everyone involved can have a “safe space”. You don’t want your child to be fearful and not want to connect with you, thinking that you are always going to overshare.
Recognizing and addressing toxic parenting habits is crucial for fostering a healthy and supportive environment for your child’s growth.