Confidence plays a key role in how children perform, develop, and navigate challenges.
“Confidence is one of the strongest predictors of our performance, our happiness and our success,” says Cindra Kamphoff, the founder of the Mentally Strong Institute, a mental coaching firm for business leaders and athletes in an interview with CNBC.
“Growing confidence is the work of a lifetime [because] there’s setbacks and adversity that we face that impacts our confidence,” the mental performance coach continued.
Kamphoff tells the outlet that parents should check the warning signs because “what your child says out loud about themselves can be revealing, especially if they’re stuck in a cycle of self-criticism. Their body language can be revealing too, especially when they’re reluctant or unable to articulate how they’re really feeling.”
Here are three “red flags” that could signal that your child is suffering from a confidence crisis and could use a self-esteem boost.
Negative self-talk
One sign that a child is suffering from low self-esteem is that they are constantly “beating themselves up after failure.”
Kamphoff recommends that parents teach children to “reframe failure as an opportunity to learn something new.” Ensure that they know that failure is not the end, but simply the beginning of a new opportunity to try something a different way. Kamphoff encourages parents to “literally, physically [have kids] ‘shake it off’ as a way to help leave that failure in the past and move on with confidence to tackle another challenge.”
Excessive comparison
Another sign that your child is suffering from low self-esteem or low self-confidence is that they are continually comparing themselves with others.
“Comparison is a normal part of being human, because it allows us to understand our place in this world. But we typically don’t compare our whole self to the other person’s whole self,” Kamphoff says. She recommends that parents encourage their children to find aspects of the comparison that they can control and how does that aspect relate to what your child really wants.
Once the “want” is defined, help your child create a realistic plan to achieve the “it” for themselves.
Body language and low energy
If they are slouchy and always tired, this may be an indicator that your child may need a confidence boost. If you are noticing this, our expert recommends that parents respond with “PCR — pause, calm down, respond — which involves pausing to take a breath and calm down before considering how to respond to a difficult question or situation.”
“You can teach kids to regulate their emotions, and that’s going to really help them grow their confidence,” says Kamphoff. “Because, especially under pressure, when kids [and adults] can regulate themselves, that’s really key.”