Transitioning to living alone later in life after a major life change – such as divorce, bereavement, or an “empty nest” – can be profoundly unsettling, often prompting a mix of grief, loneliness, and reflection.
However, while this period can be difficult, it also brings new opportunities for personal growth, re-evaluating goals and building self-reliance.
We spoke to some therapists about what key concerns and issues people often struggle with during this adjustment period, who have also shared some valuable advice on how to thrive during this new chapter of life.
What are the most common fears and issues people face when they first start living alone after years of sharing a home?
“Living alone creates less distractions and a lot more time and space to be with our own thoughts and feelings, and that can be quite confronting,” recognises Susie Masterson, a BACP-registered psychotherapist and relationship coach at Ultraliving.
She highlights how this abundance of alone time often prompts people to reflect on their life and grow anxious about the future.
“That can be quite destabilising for some people, particularly if things haven’t gone right, or if they have experienced a loss,” says Masterson.
“It can cause them to feel isolated and depressed about their current situation, and many people struggle to lift themselves out of this negative spiral.”
Not of having that comforting physical presence of loved ones around can be hard to adjust to.
“People get very used to sharing a space with somebody and having that companionship. Even small moments of acknowledgement, such as saying thanks for a cup of tea, can be very comforting,” says Masterson.
The absence of frequent communication at home can also be difficult.
“Many of us rely on the people that we live with for communication, empathy and compassion, and for that to suddenly go can leave many people in limbo,” reflects Debbie Keenan, BACP senior accredited psychotherapist. “When people have been in a partnership for a very long time, they might not know what direction to go in or how to exist on their own.”
Here are some tips on how to make this transition easier…
Create structure
“Be consistent and proactive about putting things in place so you’ve got anchor points to feel safe, whether that’s taking the dog out for a walk in the morning or having lunch at the same time every day,” recommends Masterson.
Think about the benefits
“When you live with a partner or children, there are always constraints as you have to fit your life around their lives,” reflects Masterson. “However, when you are on your own, the world is your oyster. You can really start to think about what is important to you and what pace you want to go at.”
Keep reaching out to people
“Be proactive about connecting to other people, because it’s very easy to become isolated,” says Keenan. “Keep reaching out to people to maintain and foster those relationships, because nobody will come and hand you it on a plate.”
Try new things
“Treat things as an experiment,” advises Masterson. “It’s a brilliant opportunity to discover who you are, what you like, what you don’t like and when you do, the future will seem brighter.”
Stay active
“Get up and do something everyday, whether it’s a 20-minute walk or some chair exercises,” recommends Keenan.
Create a security network
“A lack of control can make people feel uncomfortable, so recognise this fear and put things in place,” recommends Masterson. “Build your security network of family, friends and/or neighbours who you can ask for help or notify when you feel unsafe or lonely.”
Utilise technology
“Try to get involved in technology if you can, because it can help you stay connected with relatives and social connections from all over the world,” suggests Keenan.
Make your environment homely
“Make your home a safe haven,” advises Keenan. “Put some music on and do whatever gives you comfort. Stock up the cupboards with food that you enjoy and make yourself a comforting drink.”
Consider getting a pet
“Stroking a pet can help boost your endorphins, as well as other happy hormones like oxytocin,” says Keenan. “Pets, especially dogs, love you unconditionally no matter what kind of day you’re having, which can be really reassuring.”
Try mindfulness or meditation
“It can be incredibly rewarding to be able to sit in stillness,” says Masterson. “Try to schedule mediation or mindfulness into your routine every day.”